Recently over the past few weeks, I’ve had essentially the same conversation with a handful of people in different spaces (both mentally and literally). It ultimately boiled down to me sharing my three guiding questions that determine how I walk through life and the decisions I make to do so. These questions work extremely well for me, and they are very simple and easy to do, so I thought I would share them with you. You’re welcome!
The story to how these questions became an integral part of my existence is interesting because it is in a completely unexpected place – the pool in West Edmonton Mall. I spent several years before this pivotal moment struggling with an eating disorder that was slowly killing me. I was always self conscious and constantly worried about what everyone else thought of me. However, I somehow spent the day less concerned about myself and more on the fact that I would probably never be in that space again ( so I thought I might as well enjoy it). While my sister and I were waiting in line to ride down a tall slide, I saw a group of teenage girls walking together and crossing their arms over their bellies. I’m sure you’ve seen it before (or experienced it yourself). In that moment, I realized how insecure these girls were feeling and I also remembered how many moments I’ve spent doing the exact same thing. Instead of enjoying that moment, those girls would go on to spend the rest of their day worrying about someone spotting their body and harshly judging it. I thought “does it feel good to do that? No! Then why do it?”, and I vowed to never spend another day covering my belly insecurely for the world. Thus, my questions were created:
1. Does it feel good?
2. Does anyone benefit?
3. Is anyone harmed?
The first question was easiest to come up with and easiest to answer. Does it feel good to smack my face with a frying pan? No – so don’t do it. Does it feel good to get massages? Yes – so do it. The second and third questions are there for clarification and protection. Here are a few more examples:
- Does it feel good to eat food (if you have an eating disorder)? No. Does anyone benefit from me eating the food? Yes, I benefit by getting nutrients my body needs. Is anyone harmed? It might feel tough at first, but no one is harmed. Results: DO IT
- Does it feel good to take a yoga class with Tayler? Yes. Does anyone benefit from my taking a class with Tayler? Yes, I feel good and she is happy to see me. Is anyone harmed? No. Results: DO IT
- Does it feel good to walk around worrying about what everyone else thinks? No. Does anyone benefit from my insecurities. I don’t, but the companies trying to sell me stuff do. Is anyone harmed? Yes, it hurts my heart. Results: DON’T DO IT
- Does it feel good to gossip about so-and-so? Maybe. Does anyone benefit from the gossip? No. Is anyone harmed? Yes, so-and-so is. Results: DON’T DO IT
Easy enough, right? When you get overwhelmed with making a decision or feel like something may not be serving you, revisit these questions and figure it out.
These questions help me remember that it isn’t necessary to cower into myself when I am a powerful and gorgeous goddess with a little extra fluff here and there. I focus on the feeling and if it feels good and no one is harmed, I go for it. In my humble opinion, you should go for it too ❤